Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Process of Writing - The Second Draft

Second Draft:

It was a steamy, Texas summer day. [D1] I was shopping on my lunch break at HEB and came across a bright green box with a sexy lady silhouette on it that read[D2] , “Chinese Super Dieters Tea.” I’ve always struggled with my weight and the idea of a[D3]  tea that would help me shed pounds was enticing. I bought it and went back to work.

It was a busy day at the office, as usual[D4] . At the time[D5]  I worked for an optometrist running the front desk.[D6]  I followed the instructions on the box: steep one tea bag in a covered cup filed with [D7] boiling water for no more than two minutes.

I added some sweet n low[D8]  and took it to the front desk with me. The rush hit. The waiting room was full of people either [D9] waiting to be seen by the doctor or picking out glasses. The phone was ringing off the hook. That was pretty typical for the afternoons.

Suddenly I began to feel terrible pains in my bowels. Cramps seized me, followed by the gut gurgles. A cold sweat broke out on my face and forehead. Every muscle strained with the effort of not exploding diarrhea out of my butt in front of all those people. There was no one to relieve me so that I could run to the toilet[D10] . To make things worse, the only restroom in the whole office was a shared one right there in the waiting room.

It was a rather intimate setup. [D11] My coworker would listen to make sure people washed their hands before they came out. You could hear everything people did in there! It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t make it if I tried to go [D12] somewhere else. I had to go, and I had to go RIGHT NOW![D13] 

The moment the rush settled and the waiting room cleared,[D14]  I bolted to the bathroom.

I turned on both the hot and cold water at full strength just to try and mask some of the noise that was sure to come. I was cold-[D16] sweating and doubling over with cramps. [D17] 

I’ll stop there and spare you the comparison between my butt and hot lava spraying out of my anus like Mount Vesuvius into the toilet of Pompeii. Suffice to say, I never took the “diet tea” at work again. I named it “poo tea” because that’s really what it was. That’s all it did. That wasn’t exactly the type of weight loss I was hoping for. Take it from me; you don’t want to try it![D18] 

 [D2]changed from said
 [D6]cut “at the time”
 [D7]added, cut “of”
 [D13]changed from “immediately.”
 [D17]moved here

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