www.writerapriladams.com

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Welcome to guest author J.L. McFadden!

I'd like to welcome J.L. McFadden to the Indie Authors and Reviews Blog! Let's get started!

http://www.jlmcfadden.com/



How long have you been writing?

Well, as far as books I have been writing for around three years, but as far as articles for different sites and news sources about six years; I have written for various blogs including a Ukrainian site that asked me to write about historical pasts of countries that they don’t hear about often. I love history, so it was an honor.


What is your writing style?

All of the books I have put out are Paranormal Romance, but I have some in the works that are Mystery and Dystopian. 


http://www.amazon.com/Choices-The-Guardian-Volume-2/dp/1492747246/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1423908742&sr=8-1


What are your favorite characters that you have created? 

I have two that are my favorites: Adela and Priest. Let’s start with Adela, she is a vampire that was turned in 1215, she watched her family be murdered in front of her by the very man that turns her as punishment for her rejecting him. She goes on through history and becomes one of the strongest vampires and eventually gets her revenge on him. She is torn in a love triangle, one that she feels guilty about, because of one of her ancestors who Adela turned to save is attached to this man through a bond that gives her human lover supernatural strength.  Gala is a snotty girl who treats her Guardian – the man bonded to her – as a curse and Adela is always trying to get Gala to calm down while Adela herself is attracted to him – she sacrifices her wants for what she feels is best for Gala – but for how long?

Priest is a vampire hunter that had his clan of hunters slaughtered; Adela saved him and they both work together to find out who slaughtered his group and to go after vampires that target humans.


What is on your reading list these days?

I love Fiction, but for the most part I stay buried in History, Philosophy and a lot of Science Journals.  My favorite author of all time is Terry Pratchett though.


Are there any methods to your writing?

To start with, I believe that you need to be honest to yourself for yourself and your readers. Every author has her/his specialty and needs to capitalize on it. Developing my own style of writing was very important to me. I believe every author needs a different amount of times or books written to find themselves. It took until Choices for me to truly feel in my skin with it.

As far as my method: An idea pops into my head and I take a mental note, go home take a few notes and go back to the book I was working on. I have a line of books waiting to be written at this point in time. I do research when some books are in another area or place, but for the most part, because of being studious of history my whole life I usually can move straight through it.
I also need to be left alone while I am writing; my chinchilla is the only thing that doesn’t bother me while I am writing.


Do you have certain songs you listen to while writing?

Usually, I start out with Hale Storm’s I love the Misery – it always puts me in the mood for writing, but each book has its own play list. I always keep the playlist on my YouTube channel. Another staple is Alice N Chains, Slot and the Pretty Reckless.


Do you have any hobbies?

Most of my life I have studied Jujitsu, but currently I am studying Aikikai Aikido; I am actually the first foreigner excepted into the Crimean Federation of Aikido. I have enjoyed studying from Senseis from around the world - Belgium, Ukraine, Russia and Serbia. Sadly, I have not been there for a Japanese Sensei. One of my favorite things is meeting people from around the world; learn about their culture and language.

Is there a piece of advice you would give to other authors?
Never give up and always strive to be better is the keys to success in anything we do.


Author Bio: 

J.L McFadden was born in  Pennsylvania and spent his life bouncing around the States until beginning to travel the world. Starting out he was a well-known musician in upstate New York that had a heavy playing schedule. Later he went back to his home state to work in the Lumber mills of the mountains. In California working in sales, management and even directed a small moving company until deciding to see the world. His travels around the world have allotted him to not only join an International Aikikai Aikido Federation, but have trained with Sanseis from Belgium, Ukraine, Russia and other European countries. He accounts his journeys and meeting of new people to his broad character types in his books.


Book Blurb: 

While still doubled over, picking up a book, Adela stated with a sultry voice, "One of these days, I am going to make you deliver on all of those promised ideas, running through your head when you watch me." She had a playful sound to her voice with her smile, telling that fulfilling his dreams was not out of the question.


Purchase:








Friday, March 13, 2015

Ella Emerson - Blog Tour!


http://www.authorella.com


The Palm Beach Princess Series

Although THE VANILLA BET is a standalone novel. It is the first book in The Palm Beach Series.

Each book will center around a group of girlfriends and their quest for love.

Vanessa Summers is our first girl in The Vanilla Bet and although she is not from Palm Beach, she is definitely learning the ropes from her best friend Maxine.

Maxine will be featured in the second book in this series titled RENDER ME SPEECHLESS.

Maxine has the hots for Darren and one sunny afternoon she shows up to his apartment and he has vanished without a trace.

Render is Darren’s brother who travels from Texas to find his brother.

Together Render and Maxine must figure out where and why Darren has left.

This will be a fun ride to discover Darren’s past and Maxine’s and Render’s future.


Kristine, Meghan, and Piper will all have books of their own as well. Get to know all of the Palm Beach Princesses.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T3QWQZE

THE VANILLA BET
Synopsis:
Trace Weston lives in the beautiful Palm Beaches. A college student who would rather party his life away than accept his father's company. He loses a bet at a college party and has to have a "vanilla" relationship with a girl he has never met.

Vanessa Summers, moved to Florida to attend college for her love of the arts. She also left behind a dark past that haunts her every day. She meets Trace and is instantly taken with his irresistible charm. Will she be able to keep her secrets hidden? Will Trace be able to help her find the answers to what she is searching for? Will they be able to find who and what is trying to keep them apart?

This book is not suitable for persons under the age of 18. STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL MATERIAL, and INTENSE VIOLENCE.

AMAZON BUY LINKS:

GOODREADS:

AUTHOR LINKS:
Amazon:  amazon.com/author/ellaemerson
Find me on GoodReads:  https://www.goodreads.com/EllaEmerson
Come and Follow me on Bloglovin:  http://www.bloglovin.com/ellaemerson



This tour sponsored by 4WillsPublishing.wordpress.com.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

And Now For Something Completely Different!

I got my hair done at a salon yesterday for the first time in forever. I wanted to post them to Pinterest and tag Salon Spaulding and my awesome stylist Marielle Lubrano but I can't pin directly from facebook. 

Lame. 

So I'm putting the pics here so I can pin them. 

Here's the only thing that makes it even slightly appropriate for my indie authors and reviews blog. It's me with a book I edited! :)




I super suck at selfies. But I'm awesome at alliteration!

And here are the rest of them. They aren't professional, obvs. My husband snapped them. I had to hold Bonnie or she would be into something dangerous immediately.






I super love it! Thank you Marielle! You rock! 

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Interview with Andrew Ritchie, author of Red Plus Zone!

http://www.amazon.com/Andy-Ritchie/e/B00BZ0T0D2/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2?qid=1423188331&sr=8-2

Welcome Andy! I loved your first trilogy - The Book that THEY Do Not Want You to Read - and I'm so glad you wrote Red Plus Zone. It's one of my new favorites! Or, should I say favourites? 

Anyway, let's get to it!
http://amzn.com/1780255810


Can you tell us a little about Red Plus Zone?

Red Plus Zone is set in the near future, some eight years after a global cataclysm that has become known as The Shattering. As a result of this event, time is no longer constant and uniform, and it moves more quickly and more slowly in different places. Sometimes the transition from where time goes fast to where times goes slow (or vice versa) is gradual, but in other places, it is sudden – these places are called fractures. It is at a fracture where the book starts, with a body that has been nailed out across a fracture so that one half of it has seen the passing of decades, and has been reduced to little more than a skeleton. It is the investigation of this murder that forms the basis of the book.

What was the inspiration for Red Plus Zone?

The first idea for Red Plus Zone came whilst I was thinking about ideas for short stories. I was trying to come up with something really original, something that I didn’t think anyone had written about before. I thought about time and wondered what it would be like if time moved at different rates in different places. From there, the idea just grew.

Red Plus Zone (RPZ) is sci-fi, right?

Yes. The key premise of the story is what would the world be like if time ceased to be uniform and constant. That, in my eyes, places the book firmly in the sci-fi arena.

Why did you add the crime element? Why did it need to be sci-fi and a detective book?

It was the original idea where a dead body could be found in two different states (just dead and dead for decades) that dictated the crime element. It was a natural progression to then have the body ending up in the situation it was found in due to foul-play, and therefore a further simple step to have the solving of the crime as the key storyline.

Where does your story take place and when?

The story takes place in and around the fictional town of Charwood, which is not-so-loosely based on Blackburn and the surrounding area in the north-west of England. It’s an area where I’ve lived all my life and I think it makes a good backdrop for the story because there is an ‘ordinariness’ about the place, and about the people who live in it, which (hopefully) those who read the book will be able to empathise with.

What makes you feel that Sam McCall is compelling enough to be in a series? I think he is, just want to know why you think so.

As the development of Red Plus Zone progressed, so Sam became more and more important. Originally, the main focus of the story was on the ‘shattered’ world and how difficult it would be to exist in a world where time is broken; there was also a lot of emphasis on how society might recover from such a monumental cataclysm, and what shape that society would start to take. But over time, it became apparent that it was important for readers to have an anchor in the narrative, something they could relate to and empathise with, and so the character of Sam McCall began to grow in importance. As it did, so it became necessary to give Sam’s character depth, not only to increase the interest in him, but also to use him as a vehicle to look back on events in the past, such as when the UK was under Martial Law immediately after The Shattering.

This isn’t your first book, right? Tell us about your trilogy.

The Book That THEY Do Not Want You To Read (Parts 1, 2 and 3) are quite different from Red Plus Zone in style, though they too would sit firmly on the sci-fi bookshelf. They recount, through the words of his diary, the adventures of Jethro Postlethwaite (also of the north-west of England) following his encounter with an alien Ambassador called Tukaal, whereupon Jethro has to go on the run, is injected with alien memory oil so he starts to remember things which happened to someone (or something) else, is captured and tortured, escapes, goes on the run again, discovers the true nature of man’s existence, learns about Emotional Energy and W.I.M.D.s and comes face to face with a powerful alien overlord known as The One...along with a load of other stuff!
Those who have read it have kindly likened it to Douglas Adams – and there is no greater honour than that!

Why did you choose independent publishing over main-stream?

Necessity really. I’d tried to get publishers and agents interested in both The Book That THEY... and Red Plus Zone, but with little joy. Red Plus Zone in particular was met with many favourable comments, but no-one seemed prepared to take a leap of faith with it. If you have real belief in a book, that’s frustrating. Independent publishing (I’ve used Autharium, who have been awesome in their support) means you can get your work out to an audience and (hopefully) get some real feedback from them. The challenge of going down the independent publishing route is getting your book noticed, which is certainly not easy.

When I worked with you to edit RPZ, what was your favorite part of the process and your least favorite?

To be honest, I enjoyed the whole process. When you’ve spent so long working on a project and you’ve become so intertwined with it, having someone take a cold, hard look at what you’ve done and not be afraid to tell you where it’s soft and where it’s flagging is really refreshing. Yet it’s hard as well, because sometimes there’s sections that you’ve written which you really like and you’re really pleased but you’re told that they slow the pace too much and either need to be shortened or even culled. That’s hard, but that’s what an editor needs to do, tighten the book up, making sure that it keeps the reader fully engaged.

How do you feel RPZ benefited from the editorial process?

RPZ definitely became a better book after the editorial process – it felt crisper, less flabby. And there was a confidence in it that I didn’t have before, the sort of confidence that comes from having someone independent read through your story and then confirm that it makes sense, that it’s enjoyable.

Have you started on Sam McCall novel number 2?

Yes and no – I have a solid idea for the second book that will probably be darker than Red Plus Zone, but I haven’t started writing it in earnest. I’ve always worked on the principle that I wouldn’t start a sequel until I was confident that there was sufficient interest in the first book and that it had been well received by those who had read it. I guess that’s why I’ve never got round to writing The Book That IT Doesn’t Want You To Read, because the first book (albeit a trilogy itself) didn’t take off. Also, I’m currently working on a novel called The Peculiar Case of God vs Pratt.

Thanks again for the interview, Andy! It's been a pleasure.

If you haven't gotten your copy of Red Plus Zone yet, do it today! You'll be glad you did. 

Connect with Andy on facebook and his website

Friday, January 16, 2015

Interview with Carolyn Crane!!

Hi Carolyn and thank you so much for taking the time to share with us! I just discovered you recently, actually, Tuesday the 16th of December, 2014. I ran out of Karen Moning, Jim Butcher, Diana Gabaldon, Ilona Andrews, and Kevin Hearne books so I asked the Googles which indie authors were similar to Ilona Andrews, I think. Your name popped up so I went to Goodreads and read the cover copy for Mind Games.
http://amzn.com/B0036S4ERShttp://amzn.com/B003F3FJZAhttp://amzn.com/B006BDKTBK

OMG. Love at first sight! If any of you readers haven’t discovered Carolyn yet, here’s a link to her Goodreads page. You’ll thank your lucky stars. I have finished the whole trilogy and I’m totally fangirling. 

--April!! Thank you so much for this fabulous intro! And for taking my series for a spin and having me to your blog!! Wow, those are some of my favorite authors up there that you listed off. How cool that my name popped up. Especially Diana Gabaldon – she is who kind of who got me into genre fiction and helped me rediscover my passion for reading exciting books.

Anyway, I saw on your Goodreads profile that you used to be main-streamer, published with Random House and Samhain, but now you have gone the indie route.  I would love to hear your story. I’ve put some questions below but feel free to offer any additional bits you feel like.

Here we go:

Q: Your first book was Mind Games, right? I’m assuming The Disillusionists trilogy was published through a major publishing house. I indie published a trilogy, my first books ever, and was considering querying agents for my next one but I can’t decide. Can you share with us a bit of what the main-stream experience was like from query to contract?

Yes, my first book (published) was Mind Games. I’d written a few before that were not picked up. ( A good thing now that I look back!)  I found my agent, Cameron McClure, on Agentquery.com and queried her cold in a group of 10 agents for the Mind Games manuscript. She asked to see it and then she wrote back that she liked it, but she wanted to see things changed (it was set in the future! And she was like, why does it have to be the future?) Her comments on that and other things made sense; I converted it to present time and she took it on. It was sold to Spectra, an imprint of Random House. At the time—it was sold in 2008—going indie was not a very viable option in my mind. So it was huge for me.

There is something really wonderful about being published by a big publisher when you’d been dreaming of it for a long time. Every step was kind of fun, from the editor interaction to the cover design stuff and talking with my agent. I really felt like Cinderella for a lot of it, though the waiting was just excruciating (20 months!) However, I was a small fish in a big pond, less than a midlister, and so, it was a little sink or swim. It was a two-book deal, and when Mind Games didn’t sell that big after a few months, they decided to drop the series at two books. I was devastated. And, I’d written it as three, and I could not change it. So I published the third through Samhain.  

Q: What made you decide to go indie?

I got a taste of it doing an anthology with Jill Myles and Meljean Brook. It was 2011 and it seemed so radical to me at the time, and fun. And I liked the immediacy and excitement, so I kept doing it. I sort of look at being dropped by Spectra as a blessing in disguise, because I enjoy the freedom of being an indie, and I feel I’m suited to it.

Q: As someone with experience on both sides of publishing, how does self-publishing compare to being backed by the big guys?

I think the decision between going indie or the publisher route is sort of a temperament thing, like, asking which is better? City or rural living? It depends on the person. There is something seriously wonderful about only having to write a manuscript and do promo (because, indie or published, that promo will fall on you. I think my publicist at Spectra sent the book to RT Magazine and that was pretty much it). But they did a lovely editing job and put out a nice product and it got into stores where I could go see it. That was wonderful.

With self pubbing, you’re in charge of everything. You control it all. It’s exhausting and it can be scary, too. I made tons of mistakes starting out. Just dumb stuff, like awful covers. But you learn, and when you have control, you can support your books in the marketplace in a way you can’t when they belong to a publisher – you can make bundles and play with the pricing and cover and stick it in anthologies and all kinds of things. So you win or die by your own sword, kind of. I like it, though. And you make way better money per book, of course. I make way more money on a 2.99 book compared to a $5.99 copy of Mind Games. I think if I wrote faster, I’d try to get a series with a regular publisher in addition to the three I’m writing nowadays. Because I like diversity.

Q: Speaking specifically about PR and marketing, do you feel that being main-stream helped get your brand out there? As an indie, what has worked and not worked for you?

I think being first published mainstream helped lend me credibility, in a way, but I don’t think it did much marketing-wise. Also, when I went indie I jumped genres from urban fantasy to romantic suspense, and so I was starting over with a new group, in part. Some people followed me, but not all of them.

As for what works…with both my series (The Associates spies books and Taken Hostage by Kinky Bank Robbers) I just hit 3 books, and that has been important. Consistent quality, a strong visual cover look, and at least three books is kind of where the game starts. With the bank robbers, I created a 3-book bundle with an attractive price, set the first free with a strong plug for the bundle in the back (creating a sales funnel) and advertised the hell out of the freebie, like with email ads like freebies listing and bookbub type ads. I took a huge price hit, but I made more that month than I ever expected and my newsletter list built like wildfire. That worked miles better than anything I’ve ever done. So I’m going to do something similar with my RS series once I have the 4th out. I learned about sales funnels in Write Publish Repeat. I don’t agree with everything in that book, but the sales funnel info is great. I’d also recommend The Naked Truth About Self Publishing.

I’m also trying to do facebook more. Some of the most successful authors seem to be great facebook users and I believe it is important, kind of to gather a tribe. Honestly, just getting out there and trying to do anything and seeing what works is important. You never know what will lead somewhere.  And getting on indie loops or reading something like the kindleboards is key, too. There is so much to know.

Q: What advice would you give indies regarding the mystical “platform building” concept?

Lol it is mystical!! I am not that good at this stuff, either! My “author brand” is a little slapdash.

Q: What parts of the publication process do you outsource? Examples: Covers, editing, website?

I outsource covers—I’ve had good results with Book Beautiful, Earthly Charms, and Novak Illustration. I have several critique partners where we exchange early drafts, I run the spy books through a developmental editor, I typically use 2 proofreaders after that. I’ve just started having BB ebooks Thailand do my formatting—I was doing that myself. I’m pretty good, but you can’t beat BB for excellence and cost.

Q: What self-publication service do you prefer and why? Have you tried others?

I would not recommend those services. I feel like with a bit of education you can do a better job yourself.

Q: How do you feel about the whole Kindle Select and Kindle unlimited schemes?

Oh, that is quite the controversy! I can see where KU feels like a leg up to authors, but I don’t like it for my own goals, which are long term. I feel it is not in my best long term interests to ignore other vendors, especially iBooks, in order to cater to people who want cheap books and likely won’t convert into real buyers. I feel like it’s critical to get a foothold with the other vendors early and build an audience—iBooks, Google Play, Kobo, B&N—they’re all important. I have actually gotten emails from people who have said things like “I don’t read, but I tried your free book from my iBooks app and went on to buy the others.” Like, iBooks is creating new readers! I will not be ignoring them.  

Q: What about bookstores? Are you doing mostly online sales or have you approached brick-and-mortars like B&N?

I haven’t tried. I tell people they can order mine from a B&N, but I don't know if they do. So, I’m all online.

(If you don’t use Createspace skip this question)Q: It seems that most bookstores want a 40% wholesale discount with returns. Createspace seems to be standard at 20% or so and defaults to non-returnable. Do you know how to change that?

Hmm – I haven’t tried this route! Maybe skip this. I guess I’m passing over the brick and mortar game.

Q: What do you feel has been the most important factor of your success – aside from your overwhelming talent and skill, of course.

You are so lovely to say that!! Xoxo. It’s been really hard for me to let go of the idea that if you write a good book, it will just do well. It has been important for me to work against it embrace the more methodical, boring business side. Or, like, to study what successful authors do and just do that. (Because, If I have free time, I want to be writing!) So, it’s a process I’m in now, but I feel like, that’s where doing this funnel came from.

Q: What is the biggest mistake you’ve made as an author/publisher?

Doing my own covers. They weren’t bad, but they were not good. Also, ignoring genre niches.

Q: Are you a member of any book clubs, writer’s guilds, or associations of any kind? If so, which ones would you recommend?

I’m a member of RWA (Romance Writers of America). I love them, and they’re very indie-supportive. I just joined NINC.

Q: What is your biggest pet peeve regarding self-publishing?

I hate when traditionally published people automatically think I look down on their choices. I think there has been too much “I’m right, you’re wrong” self pub talk by a few people and it has created a climate of polarization.

Q: Regarding income, both in general and per book, do you feel like you earn more as an indie than you did/do being backed by a big name?

I know I earn more per book now.  You get 70% on a typical self pub book, but In NY publishing, you get 25% …meaning of that 70%, so what is that? 18%? And print is less. With smaller pubs like Carina or Samhain, you do a bit better and get more personal treatment, and that’s a nice route for a lot of people. I didn’t get any really huge advance from Spectra, so I think I matched my NY pub income after two years. And I feel like the opportunity to make more is there as an indie. For me, anyway. Some people thrive with a publisher.  Somebody like Kevin Hearne is probably doing better with a publisher than he would on his own. That’s just my opinion but they have him in stores in a way you don’t see as an indie.

Q: Have you considered/attempted adapting any of your books for TV/movies or pitching such a prospect?

Omg, the Disillusionists was optioned by a production company to pitch to CW as a TV series!! It didn’t get picked up but wow, was that ever exciting!!  They took Kim Harrison’s series instead.

Thank you so much for your time. I’m sure your answers will help both aspiring and veteran indies out there.

Hey, I’m so glad you reached out! This was fun and you asked such great questions. And I so appreciate the kind words about the Disillusionists—you’re an author, you know how much that means.

It’s been an honor to have you with us, sharing your experience. I wish you JK Rowlingesque success!


Links:

For books and info from Carolyn Crane click here.
For books and info from her kinkier alter ego Annika Martin, click here.
Follow her on twitter @CarolynCrane or just click here.
Keep up with her on facebook too. Click here.
For her newsletter click here.

Bio:


I am a RITA-winning author of romantic suspense, urban fantasy, and other tales of love and adventure. I’ve been published by Random House and Samhain, and I presently go the indie route. I work a straight job as a marketing writer, I love to run and read in bed, I’m passionate about helping animals, and I make my home in Minnesota with my husband and two cats.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Process of Writing - Second to Third Draft

Third Draft:

It was a steamy summer day in Montgomery Texas. [D1] I was shopping on my lunch break at HEB and came across a bright green box with a sexy lady silhouette on it that read, “Chinese Super Dieters Tea.” I’ve always struggled with my weight and the idea of a tea that would help me shed pounds was enticing. I bought it and went back to work.

The office was busy and under-staffed, [D2] as usual. At the time of the incident [D3] I worked for an optometrist’s office and ran the fr[D4] ont desk. Before returning to my post [D5] I followed the instructions on the box: steep one tea bag in a covered cup filed with boiling water for no more than two minutes.
With that done[D6] , I added some sweet n low and took it to the front desk with me. The afternoon [D7] rush hit. The waiting room was full of people either waiting to be seen by the doctor or choosing[D8]  glasses. The phone was ringing off the hook. Just another typical day[D9] .

Suddenly,[D10]  I began to feel a terrible pain[D11]  in my bowels. Cramps seized me, followed by gurgle gut[D12] . A cold sweat broke out on my [D13] forehead. Every muscle strained with the effort of not exploding diarrhea out of my butt in front of all those people. There was no one to take over the front desk[D14]  so that I could run to the toilet. To make things worse, the only restroom in the whole office was a public[D15]  one right there in the waiting room.

Nothing was left to the imagination with that restroom[D16] . My coworker would listen to make sure people washed their hands before they came out. It [D17] didn’t matter anyway; I’d have to go right there in front of everyone.[D18]  I wouldn’t make it if I tried to go somewhere else. I had to go, and I had to go RIGHT NOW!

The moment finally came. The [D19] rush settled and the waiting room cleared.[D20]  I bolted to the bathroom.
Hollering, “You cover the front!” to nobody in particular, I closed and locked the door.

I turned on both the hot and cold water at full strength just to try and mask some of the noise that was sure to come. I was still [D21] cold-sweating and doubling over with cramps. I hadn’t had any children yet but I was pretty sure it would feel like this. [D22] 
I’ll stop here and spare you the details of[D24]  hot[D25]  lava spraying from[D26]  my anus like Mount Vesuvius into the toilet of Pompeii. Suffice it[D27]  to say, I never took the “diet tea” at work again. I re-[D28] named it “poo tea” because that’s really what it was. That’s all it did. Not[D29]  exactly the type of weight loss I was hoping for. Take it from me; you don’t want to try it!



 [D1]changed
 [D2]changed
 [D3]added
 [D4]changed
 [D5]added
 [D6]added
 [D7]added
 [D8]changed
 [D9]changed. I know it’s a fragment but I choose to keep it for style purposes.
 [D10]comma
 [D11]changed
 [D12]changed
 [D13]cut “face and”
 [D14]changed
 [D15]changed
 [D16]changed
 [D17]cut “You could hear everything people did in there!”
 [D18]added
 [D19]changed
 [D20]made 2 sentences
 [D21]added
 [D22]added
 [D23]I added this since the POV changes.
 [D24]changed
 [D25]cut “my butt and”
 [D26]changed
 [D27]looked it up. This is correct.
 [D28]added
 [D29]changed